`
`COMPLETE IDIOTeS GUIDE TO
`ONLINE DATING AND RELATING
`
`-
`
`~ ~ - ~ `~
`
`~°
`= ~ ~ ~
`
`et'
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`001
`
`
`
`"This clever book takes the
`mystery and pitfalls out of
`looking for and learning
`about love on the Internet.
`With humor and intelli-
`gence,author Joe Schwartz
`provides an entertaining
`and easy-to-use guide that
`makes the vast plains of
`cyberspace accessible to
`the would-be romantic and
`just plain curious:'
`— `eMale',
`advice columnist for
`women.com
`
`•
`
`•
`
`•
`
`1 The quick and easy way to
`meet new people who share
`your interests
`t Idiot-proof steps to
`establishing lasting friendships
`~.nd relationships online
`t Down-to-earth advice for
`when the going gets tough
`
`Joe Schwartz
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`002
`
`
`
`Dear Reader,
`No doubt, if you are reading this, you are asking yourself the question "Should I buy this
`book?" Take this simple quiz to find out.
`Dating is:
`(A) The measurement of an object's carbon content as a means to determine its age.
`(B) The process of ingesting a sweet edible oblong fruit.
`(C) The hellish dance of loneliness played out between two people as they vie for
`position to eviscerate each other's soul.
`(D) I do not date. I am a Vulcan.
`
`If you answered any of the above, or even made up your own answer, you are correct and
`should buy this book (thus ensuring me a royalty). For those of you who need additional
`convincing, let's examine the answers more closely.
`If you selected choice A, you probably have limited exposure to socializing with people.
`Since the last thing you want to do is converse with people face to face without any prac-
`tice, purchasing this book will allow you to talk to others over the Internet without having
`to confront issues associated with grooming or hygiene. Inside these pages we'll explore
`chat rooms, instant messaging, and Web-based message boards, all of which can put you
`into contact with others over the Internet, while keeping you safe and anonymous.
`If you selected choice B, you are either a farmer or someone obsessed with sexual innuen-
`do. In either case, you need to meet people soon. Going through life relating to everything
`as a function of survival or a sick joke can only lead you to a troubled existence. In this
`book, you'll learn the best places to seek companionship online and, when converting it
`into an offline relationship, how to do so safely.
`If you selected choice C, you're bitter. Nothing can really help you except the positive rein-
`forcement of good experiences. Throughout this book are anecdotes from people who've
`met others online. Not all the stories end well, but all the storytellers have survived their
`tales. These stories hopefully will give you the courage to try to meet people via the
`Internet and the confidence to know that even if you do have a few dreadful experiences,
`you will survive.
`Finally, if you selected choice D, you are an extraterrestrial. Who more than you needs to
`understand other humans? As such, these pages will introduce you to Web sites designed to
`give advice of the heart, assist with online romance, and ease the pain of getting over a
`relationship. As an alien, you will probably never use these resources yourself, but imagine
`how much better you'll interact with the human population after having been exposed to
`this information.
`Thank you for taking this quiz to determine whether you need to buy this book. And thank
`you for your purchase.
`Sincerely,
`Joe Schwartz
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`003
`
`
`
`People socializing and dating on the Internet often have different reasons for wanting to
`meet others. Here are the five most common types of people, based on their social objec-
`tives.
`The Dabbler has gone online to "see what this Internet dating thing is all about," but
`doesn't usually have any plan other than "to have fun." As you begin your journey socializ-
`ing with others over the Net, you might find yourself in the middle of an email or chat
`room conversation that you thought was going really well, when the other party goes
`AWOL. That's the dabbler either getting bored or realizing that connection with another
`individual is not really what he or she is after.
`The Nester wants to find a committed relationship and is looking to the Internet as one of
`many ways to find one. He or she is usually very goal-oriented in that the purpose of social-
`izing online is not about the process of forging friendships, but is about finding THE ONE
`PERSON that will be his or her lifetime mate.
`The Hormone wants sex. Usually he or she will make this very clear early on. Hormones
`vary in that some just want virtual sex (that is, simulating sex via a private chat room dis-
`cussion or email), some want to meet you in the physical world, and some want it in all
`manner, shape, and form.
`The Butterfly goes from chat room to chat room, person to person, having conversations
`with a multitude of different people. He or she is looking to make one or more friends and
`usually keeps the relationship platonic. In a simpler time, this person went by the name pen
`pal.
`The Seeker doesn't know what he or she is looking for, but unlike the Dabbler, is seeking
`to make some sort of connection with another person. He or she might claim to be looking
`for a partner or just looking for sex, but the actual agenda is usually unknown to the Seeker.
`
`Emoticons
`
`:(or :-(
`
`Emoticon
`:) or :-)
`
`Description
`The original Smiley that means "I'm happy." Can also mean "I'm
`joking."
`"I'm sad." Indicates to the reader that the current writer is sad at what
`he or she has just heard.
`A wink. Usually used for a flirtatious or sarcastic remark.
`-)
`{hugs or [hug]
`A hug.
`{{{***}}}
`Hugs and kisses.
`If you'd like to explore the hundreds (if not thousands) of emoticons currently being used
`(or if you need to find the meaning of one), you can check out the following resources:
`
`Online Lingo http://www.thirdage.com/features/tech/netglos/index.html
`InternetSmileys.... ^_^ http://members.aol.com/bearpage/smileys.htm
`SmiliesUnlimited http://www.czweb.com/smilies.htm
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`004
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`
`
`Acronyms that are common to the Internet have made their way into the messages people
`use to socialize online. Some of the more widely used ones are:
`
`Acronym
`Meaning
`As far as I know
`AFAIK
`Age/Sex/Location
`A/S/L
`BBL
`Be back later
`BTW
`By the way
`Do I know you?
`DIKY
`Get a life
`GAL
`I love you
`ILY
`Face to face
`F2F
`In real life
`IRL
`Laugh out loud
`LOL
`If you want to learn and decipher the hundreds of additional acron~rns fo~.nd online,
`check out the following resources:
`Alphabet Soup Explained http: //members.aol.com/nigthomas/alphabet.html
`Usenet Acronyms Dictionary http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/-tajwileb/
`dictionary.html
`V.E.R.A. (Virtual Entity of Relevant Acronyms) http: / /userpage.
`fiu-berlin.de/-oheiabbd/vera-e.html (This is a search engine for acranym5.)
`
`Do You Hate to Type?
`Would you rather just click a link to visit the Web sites in this boob? Just point your
`browser to
`
`http://www.size-eight.corn/book
`This site provides links to every Web page discussed in The Complete Idiat's Guide to Online
`Dating and Relating as well as new socializing Web sites that were created after this book
`went to press.
`
`;
`
`.
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`005
`
`
`
`TE.
`0 PLE
`"~
`c
`0
`C~ 1DE To
`
`joe SchwaYtz
`
`~V~~
`A Division of Macmillan USA
`201 West 103rd Street, Indianapolis, Indiana 46290
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`006
`
`
`
`The Complete Idiot's Guide to
`Online Dating and Relating
`Copyright O 2000 by Que Corporation
`All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be repro-
`duced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by
`any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
`recording, or otherwise, without written permission
`from the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with
`respect to the use of the information contained herein.
`Although every precaution has been taken in the
`preparation of this book, the publisher and author
`assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Nor is
`any liability assumed for damages resulting from the
`use of the information contained herein.
`International Standard Book Number: 0-7897-2169-4
`Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 99-63407
`Printed in the United States o f America
`First Printing: November 1999
`4 3 2 1
`01 00 99
`
`!7 ~ ~ O ~"7
`'~ ~ ~~ ~~
`+
`~ °'~~~
`
`Trademarks
`All terms mentioned in this book that are known to be
`trademarks or service marks have been appropriately
`capitalized. Que cannot attest to the accuracy of this
`information. Use of a term in this book should not be
`regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark or
`service mark.
`Warning and Disclaimer
`Every effort has been made to make this book as com-
`plete and as accurate as possible, but no warranty or
`fitness is implied. The information provided is on an
`"as is" basis. The author and the publisher shall have
`neither liability nor responsibility to any person or
`entity with respect to any loss or damages arising from
`the information contained in this book.
`
`Associate Publisher
`Greg Wiegand
`Acquisitions Editor
`Angelina Ward
`Development Editor
`Sarah Robbins
`
`Managing Editor
`Thomas F. Hayes
`
`Technical Editor
`Robert E. Patrick
`
`Illustrator
`Judd Winick
`
`Project Editor
`Lori A. Lyons
`
`Copy Editor
`Sossity Smith
`
`Indexer
`Kevin Broccoli
`
`Proofreader
`Tricia Sterling
`
`Team Coordinator
`Sharry Gregory
`Interior Designer
`Nathan Clement
`
`Cover Designer
`Michael Freeland
`
`Copy Writer
`Eric Borgert
`
`Production
`Dan Harris
`Cyndi Davis-Hubler
`
`"~~
`,-
`f ~.~
`' J~ ~'
`
`~., -
`
`~'
`~
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`007
`
`
`
`Contents at a Gla nce
`
`Part 1: All Alone with a Warm Box
`1 Hey, Nice Keyboard!
`Who's out there? ,What are they doing? Why should I join
`them?
`2 My Modem Blinks at Me and I Get Excited
`Get the lowdown on all the hardware and so ffiware you need
`to connect to all the beauti ful people.
`3 Was George Orwell Paranoid or an Optimist?
`Taking it slow. Taking it safe. Protecting yoursel f from
`predators.
`
`Part 2: Dating Bytes
`4 Is That Email in Your Inbox, or Are You Just Happy to
`Read Me?
`The ins and outs o f online personal ads that get results.
`S Do You Type Here Often?
`Now you have a great personal ad that will catch Mr. or Ms.
`Right, where do you post it?
`6 I Want Values for My Money
`You don't want to date just anybody. Find folks who have
`the same beliefs you do. Hey, Mom might even like them.
`7 How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Modem the Ways
`Great places to express your love online.
`8 Advice IS Cheap?
`Expert (and not so expert) advice for the lovelorn.
`
`5
`7
`
`15
`
`23
`
`35
`
`37
`
`57
`
`73
`
`91
`
`101
`
`Part 3: 1 Just Want Someone I Can Talk To
`9 I'm Typing As Fast As I Can
`Find out how to chat like a pro and win hearts while doing it.
`10 Why Is Everyone Talking About Medieval Cookware?
`Di f ferent types of chat for different types o f people.
`11 The Velvet Rope
`Instant messages. Instant love?
`
`115
`117
`
`127
`
`147
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
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`159
`
`12 All the News That's Fit to Post
`Find today's news and a hot date at the same (lace.
`13 "Funny, I Never Expected to Meet Someone Here."
`You just never know where Mr. Perfect might be hiding.
`14 "The First Time I Laid Eyes on Your Font I Heard Bells." 185
`After the dates and chats, he pops the quesfiions. Here are
`wedding resources to get you started planning your big day.
`
`171
`
`Part 4: 1've Had a Hard Day
`15 When a Door Closes, It Gets Dark
`So it didn't work out. Where to look for others who might
`understand.
`16 There's More to Venting Than Duct Tape
`She dumped you, took your CD collection, and kicked your
`dog. Here's how to get sweet Internet revenge!
`17 Me, Myself, and I
`He said you were a mental case and left. Find out i f he was
`right. Self-help on the net.
`Part 5: Has Anyone Seen My Magic Eight Ball?
`18 "I See a Tall, Dark, and Handsome..."
`Are wedding bells in your future? Find out on these
`astrological love pages.
`19 Listen to Me! Listen to Me!
`The Idiot's Guide's Predictions for the Fuiure o f Dating
`and Relating Online.
`Index
`
`195
`197
`
`207
`
`217
`
`227
`229
`
`239
`
`241
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
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`Contents
`
`Introduction
`1
`How to Use This Book ..................:.........................................1
`How Do You Use This Book? ..................................................2
`
`Part 1: All Afone with a Warm box
`
`5
`
`1 Hey, Nice Keyboard!
`These Boots Were Made for Quaking ....................................7
`But Who Is Really Out There? ................................................8
`Just How Long Has Online Socializing Been Going On? ......9
`What Are People Looking For? ..............................................9
`What Are They Really Looking- For? ....................................10
`The Dabbler ........................................................................11
`The Nester ..........................................................................11
`The Hormone ......................................................................11
`The Butterfly ......................................................................11
`The Seeker ..........................................................................11
`What About All the Internet Nightmare Stories I've
`Heard About? ......................................................................12
`
`2 My Modem Blinks at Me and 1 Get Excited
`15
`Higher Power Concerns About Hardware ............................16
`Don't I Already Have the Software I Need? ........................19
`Web Browsers ........................................................................19
`Email Programs .......................................:............................20
`Instant Messaging Programs ................................................20
`Newsgroup Readers ..............................................................21
`Chat Programs ......................................................................22
`
`3 Was George Orwell Paranoid or an Optimists
`23
`Guidelines for Keeping Yourself Safe ..................................23
`Take Your Time ......................................."...........................24
`Be Inquisitive ......................................................................24
`Watch for Red Flags ............................................................24
`Only Give Sensitive Information Sparingly and When
`You're Ready .....................:..............................................26
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
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`The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating and Relating
`
`Enter the Offline World Cautiously ......................................27
`Use Your Irzstincts ..............................................................27
`Keeping Your Identity Anonymous ......................................28
`Web-Based Email ................................................................28
`Personal Ad Services and Anonymous Remailers ..................30
`Using the Web to Protect Yourself ......................................31
`SmartDate ..........................................................................31
`CyberAngels........................................................................32
`DateSmart.com ..................................................................32
`Check-A-Date ....................................................................33
`
`35
`
`Part 2: Dating Bytes
`4 Is That Email in Your Inbox, or Are You Just Happy
`37
`to Read Me?
`Getting Personal with Personal Ads ....................................38
`Choose an Identity Carefully ..............................................38
`Create an Attention-Grabbing Headline ..............................39
`Honestly Describe Yoursel f and What You're
`LookingFor ......................................................................40
`Reveal Something About Yourself ........................................40
`Create a Little Mystery ........................................................41
`Be Speci fec .......................:..................................................41
`Be 1'ositive ..........................................................................41
`Common Personal Ad Pitfalls to Avoid ..............................42
`Avoid the Laundry List ........................................................42
`Embody the Soul o f Wit ......................................................42
`Act Upon Sel f-Subjectivity ....................................................43
`It's Raining Cats and Dogs on My Personal! ........................43
`Be Confident ......................................................................44
`Use Capitalization Sparingly ..............................................44
`Reading and Replying to Other Ads ......................................44
`Photograph Yeas and Nays ..................................................46
`The Direct Approach ............................................................48
`Cyber-Flirting ........................................................................48
`Emoticons ..........................................................................48
`Acronyms.................................................:..........................50
`Signatures ..........................................................................51
`
`V1
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`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
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`57
`5 Do You Type Here Often?
`Personal Ads Sites That Charge a Fee ..................................57
`Match. com ..........................................................................58
`Matchmaker.com ................................................................60
`Mingles. com ........................................................................64
`One &Only Internet Personals ............................................65
`metrodate.com .....................................:..............................65
`Other Sites ..........................................................................65
`Personal Ads Sites That Are Free ..........................................66
`Yahoo! Personals ................................................................66
`Excite Classifieds and Auctions ...:......................................68
`LoveC~AOL Photo Personals ................................................68
`Other Sites ..........................................................................69
`Online Dating Resources ......................................................69
`About.com's Dating Advice Page ..........................................69
`SingleSites. com ....................................................................70
`Cupid's Network ......................:...........................................70
`Search Engines ....................................................................70
`
`6 I Want Values for My Money
`73
`Christian Sites ......................................................................73
`Christian Singles Connection ..............................................74
`Christian Singles Commitments ............................:.............74
`cathol icsingles.com ..............................................................75
`Other Sites ..........................................................................76
`Jewish Sites ............................................................................76
`Jdate The Jewish Singles Network ........................................77
`Jewish Quality Singles ........................................................78
`The Jerusalem Post Personals ..............................................79
`Other Sites ..............................................................
`...80
`More Personal Ads Sites Based on Religion ..........................80
`Same Sex Personals ........:.....
`
`..........81......................................
`Gay Match Maker ...............................................................82
`Edwina ..............................................................................83
`Nu? Yenta ..........................................................................83
`Special Challenges .................................................................84
`D.A.W.N. (Differently Abled Winners Network) ' ..................84
`Worldfriends ......................................................................85
`Decc f World Web Talks ........................................................85
`Living Positive HIV Dating Online ......................................85
`MPwH (Meeting People with Herpes) ..................................86
`
`Contents
`
`V11
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`The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating and Relating
`
`Selective Beginnings ............................................................86
`Special Interest Sites ............................................................86
`Sex Classifieds &International Personals ............................89
`
`91
`7 How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Modem the Ways
`Courting the New-Fashioned Way ......................................91
`Test the Waters ..................................................................91
`Convey Your Feelings ..........................................................93
`The Cyber-Subway ..............................................................95
`Make Your Intended Laugh ..................................................96
`Send an Electronic Postccerd ................................................97
`
`101
`8 Advice IS Cheap!
`Who Are These People? ........:.............................................101
`Serious Advice ....................................................................102
`eMale................................................................................102
`Delilah ..........................,..................................................103
`The Doc Is In ....................................................................104
`Ask Dr. Tracy ....................................................................1 U4
`Ask Dr. Love ....................................................................106
`Ask-a-Chick ......................................................................107
`Flirt ..................................................................................108
`Not So Serious Advice ........................................................109
`Sel f Help with Lori ............................................................110
`The Advice Lady ..............................................................110
`Brenda's Dating Advice for Geeks ......................................111
`Tips for Dating Emotional Cripples ..................................111
`Dear Duke ........................................................................112
`Dear Toadmeister .................................:...........:................113
`
`Part 3: i Just Want Someone I Can Talk To
`
`115
`
`117
`9 I'm Typing As Fast As 1 Can
`Chat and the Newcomer ....................................................117
`Is Chat Just Talking? ..........................................................118
`How Safe Is Online Chat? ..................................................121
`What's All This I Hear About Cybersex? ............................121
`Does Online Chatting Take an Emotional Toll? ................124
`
`viii
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
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`
`
`10 Why Is Everyone Talking About Medieval
`Cookware?
`127
`If You're New to Chat ........................................................127
`Web-Based Text Chat ..........................................................129
`Yahoo! Chat ......................................................................129
`Excite Chat ......................................................................131
`Go Chat ............................................................................133
`MSN Web Communities Chat ..........................................134
`Lycos ................................................................................134
`IRC Web-Based Text Chat ..................................................135
`Talk Cify ...............................................................:..........137
`ChatSpace ........................................................................138
`Chat Indices ........................................................................138
`The Ultimate Chcttlist ......................................................138
`The WebArrow Chat Directory ..........................................138
`RIC Language Chat Sites ..................................................139
`Graphical Chat ..................................................................139
`OnChat ............................................................................140
`The Palace ..........................................•---..........................141
`Other Graphical Chat Sites ................................................142
`Video Chat ..........................................................................143
`CU-SeeMe and CU-SeeMe Pro ............................................143
`Microsoft NetMeeting ........................................................144
`CuSeeMe.net ....................................................................144
`Personal Ads Chat ..............................................................144
`
`11 The Velvet Rope
`147
`It's All in the Message ........................................................147
`ICQ......................................................................................148
`Yahoo! Messenger ..............................................................151
`AOL Instant Messenger ......................................................152
`MSN Messenger Service ......................................................153
`PowWow ...................e........................................................154
`Other Instant Messengers ...................................................156
`Ding . ...............
`........................................................
`.......156
`ichat Pager ........................................................................156
`PeopleLink ............................................................:...........156
`
`Contents
`
`1X
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`The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating and Relating
`
`159
`12 All the News That's Fit to Post
`Message Boards and Newsgroups ......................................159
`Usenet and the Web ..........................................................160
`Talkway.........................................................:...................160
`............................................161
`..............................
`Deja.com
`It Takes a Community ........................................................163
`Yahoo! GeoCities, Yahoo! Clubs, and Yahoo! Message
`Boards ............................................................................164
`Delphi Forums ..................................................................166
`Women.com, iVillage, and Oxygen ....................................166
`Other Community Sites ....................................................168
`The Uncounted Thousands ................................................168
`Usenet References: Usenet Without a Web ........................169
`
`13 "Funny, I Never Expected to Meet Someone
`171
`Here."
`Some Enchanted Evening ..................................................171
`Teaching an Old Browser New Tricks ................................172
`Gooey ..............................................................................172
`Odigo ................................................................................173
`Play a Game ........................................................................175
`The Mystery Match Game ................................................175
`The Dating Game Online and The Station ........................176
`Plan aGet-Together with Evite.com ..................................178
`Talk Up a Collection at eBay ..............................................179
`Catch Up with the News ....................................................179
`Meet a Jock ........................................................................180
`Hang Out with the Geeks ..................................................181
`Talk About Finance ............................................................182
`
`14 The First Time I Laid Eyes on Your .Font, I Heard
`185
`Bells.
`The Knot ............................................................................185
`WeddingChannel. com ........................................................18 7
`The Ultimate Internet Wedding Guide ..............................188
`ModernBride.com ...................................:..........................190
`unGROOM'd ......................................................................192
`thebestman.com ..............:.................................................193
`Other Sites ..........................................................................194
`
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`
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`Part 4: 1've Had a Hard Day
`
`195
`
`15 When a Door Closes, It Gets Dark
`197
`Breaking Up Is Hard to Do ................................................197
`Breakup Girl ........................................................................197
`Sample Posting from Breakup Girl's Deep Dish Message
`Board..............................................................................198
`I Dumped a Loser Society ..................................................200
`An IDALS Excerpt ............................................................200
`Breakup Survival Guides ....................................................201
`Divorce Survival Sites ........................................................202
`
`207
`
`16 There's More to Venting Than Duct Tape
`Rule # 1: Never Hurt Anyone Who Can Build a Web
`Page ..................................................................................207
`Heartless Bitches International ..........................................207
`Brotherhood of Eternal Bachelors ......................................208
`Joelogon's Foolproof Guide to Making Any Woman
`Your Platonic Friend ........................................................209
`Chicks Suck ........................................................................210
`bitterslut..............................................................................211
`Application to Be My Ex-Boyfriend ..................................213
`Girls? Ugh! ..........................................................................214
`Men Suck ............................................................................214
`
`17 Me, Myself, and 1
`217
`If I Use the Web, Is It Really Self-Help? ............................217
`SELF-Therapy ......................................................................217
`Be Your Own Therapist ......................................................218
`Psychological Self-Help ......................................................220
`Mind Tools ..........................................................................221
`Goal Map ............................................................................222
`Temple of Dreams ..............................................................223
`Other Mental Health Issues ................................:...............224
`
`Contents
`
`X1
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`
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`The Complete Idiot's Guide to Online Dating and Relating
`
`Part 5: Has Anyone Seen My Magic Eight Ball? 227
`
`229
`18 "I See a Tall, Dark, and Handsome..."
`Serious Futures ....................................................................229
`Astronet ..............................................................................229
`Rob Brersny's Real Astrology ..............................................230
`Tarot Magic ........................................................................232
`Facade .................................................................................234
`Not So Serious Futures ........................................................234
`Dean Martin's Sunny Summertime Horoscopes ..................235
`Foo Foo's Cai Astrology ....................................................235
`Magic 8-Balls Unlimited ....................................................237
`
`19 Listen to Me! Listen to Me!
`The Idiot's Guide's Predictions for the Future of
`Dating and Relating Online ............................................239
`
`239
`
`Index
`
`241
`
``
`
`Facebook's Exhibit No. 1005
`017
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`Dedication
`I'nr my mother, without whose dating and relating skills I would not exist.
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`Acknowledgments
`First and foremost, I'd like to thank the makers o f the Quasar Cool Look air conditioner.
`Mostly written during one o f the hottest summers in New York City history, this book would
`not have been possible without the Cool Look's dulcet sputtering. Even as I write this, my
`ever-trusty frigid friend is maintaining a relatively balmy 80 degrees