WINNING
`
`AT HOME,
`
`NNTHE
`
`CASINO,
`AND
`
`FOREWORD BY \HNCE VAN PATTEN
`
`IBEYOND
`
`ANTHNR BF KILLER POKER
`
`Game Show Network EX. 1019
`IPR2013—00289
`
`
`
`AT HOME,
`
`NNTHE
`
`CASINO,
`AND
`
`FOREWORD BY \HNCE VAN PATTEN
`
`IBEYOND
`
`ANTHNR BF KILLER POKER
`
`Game Show Network EX. 1019
`IPR2013—00289
`
`
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`
`
`Also by John Vorhaus
`
`The Killer Poker Hold’em Handbook
`
`Killer Poker Online
`
`Killer Poker
`
`Creativity Rules
`
`The Pro Poker Playbook
`
`The Comic Toolbox
`
`
`
`Q0
`g' WINNING
`I
`AT HOME,
`5
`AT THE
`E
`CASINO,
`:3
`AND
`
`JOHN VORHAUS
`
`fi
`
`St. Martin’s Griffin
`
`New York
`
`55
`
`
`
`POKER NIGHT. Copyright © 2004 by John Vorhaus.
`Foreword copyright © 2004 by Vince Van Patten.
`All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America.
`No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any
`manner whatsoever without written permission except
`in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles
`or reviews. For information, address St. Martin’s Press,
`
`175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY. 10010.
`
`www.5tmartins.com
`
`Library of Congress Cataloging-in—Publication Data
`
`Vorhaus, John.
`Poker night : winning at home, at the casino, and beyond /
`John Vorhausreist ed.
`
`p.
`
`cm.
`
`ISBN 0-312-33492-3
`
`BAN 978-0312—33492-5
`
`1. Poker.
`
`1. Title.
`
`GV1251.V664 2004
`
`795 .4‘ 1 dec22
`
`2004048062
`
`First Edition: September 2004
`
`10987654321
`
`
`
`To my parents, who taught me
`
`what beats what
`
`
`
`
`
`
`
`CONTENTS
`
`Acknowledgments
`
`Foreword by Vince Van Patten
`I Introduction
`
`I 0 What Beats What?
`
`2 4 The (3qu Limit
`
`3 0 How to Host a Game
`
`\ICDU‘I-h»
`
`6 House Rules and Procedures!
`
`0 Basic Poker Games
`
`6 'Odds Made Easy
`
`0 Basic Poker Strategy
`
`8 5 Hold’em Battle Plan
`9 O Omaholies Anonymous
`
`10 ¢ Sevenly Studly 1
`
`ix
`
`20
`
`27
`
`34
`
`52
`
`.78
`
`87
`
`105
`
`120
`
`133
`
`
`
`viii
`
`é Contents
`
`11 O High—LOW Stud Strategies
`
`12 0 Home Poker Variations
`
`13 0 The No-Limit Revolution
`
`14. 0 Getting Serious About Your Game
`
`15 ¢ From Poker Night to Casinos and Beyond
`
`15 0 Grabs and FAQS
`
`17 0 Beer Money and Bragging Rights
`
`Glossary
`
`Recommended Reading
`
`Index
`
`About the Author
`
`142
`
`151
`
`176
`
`203
`
`215
`
`234
`
`255
`
`‘ 259
`
`263
`
`267
`
`275
`
`
`
`ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
`
`
`
`“Changing agents,” a writer once said, “is like changing deck chairs
`
`on the Titanic. Yet we live in hope.” Living in hope these, past
`fiventy years, I’ve changed deck chairs many times and have found
`
`only two agents who were ever worth a tin nickel. One, Steve Ja-
`
`cobson, became my lifelong friend and earned my undying grati-
`
`tude by inviting me into his home game. The other, Greg Dinkin,
`
`has guided my poker writing career and constantly astounds me as
`
`someone who can actually sell a damn book. Thanks to Greg, I
`
`may never change deck chairs on the Titanic again.
`
`Every time I write a book I’m off down some rabbit hole of ob-
`
`sessive investigation, which leaves my lovely and long-suffering
`
`wife, MaXX Duffy, standing around scratching her head and won-
`
`dering, Now, where did that 1703/ get off to? For all the nights I spent
`
`playing in various home games—in the name of research, for
`
`Pete’s sakelw—I thank her for her patience and understanding.
`Thanks also to Marian Lizzi at St. Martin’s Press for her enthu-
`
`
`
`x
`
`Q Acknowledgments
`
`siasm, optimism, and support. As from Bogie toClaude Rains, “I
`think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendShipI’
`When I told the boys in my home game about Poker Night, nat-
`urally there were questions. Questions like: “Will we get free
`copies?” “What about royalties?” “Are you going to mention smoke-
`house?” and “You ’re writing a poker book? Don’t they know you
`suck. ” That’s What I love about these guys. They’re always there a
`for me, supporting me, encouraging me, and threatening to sue if
`I use their names. Well, let me spell it out, guys. Yes to free copies,
`no to royalties, definitely yes to smokehouse, and you only think I
`suck. As to the threat of lawsuits, What can I say? Steve, Pete, Ace,
`Ted, George, Sandy, Craig, Tony, I couldn’t have done it without
`you. If you want to sue, bring it on!
`
`
`
`FOREWORD
`
`When you’ve played home poker for thirty-seven years and count-_
`ing as I have, you’ve pretty much seen it all. Like the tightwad who
`could lose a grand without blinking, but just try asking for ten
`bucks from the cold-cut rake and watch him have a meltdown. Or
`
`the diva who claimed she’d never played the game before but
`somehow managed to exit stage with everyone’s cash. -
`
`When I started playing home poker, there was nowhere I could
`
`turn for information—and I incurred many expensive lessons. Had
`
`I read this book before I started playing, not only would I have
`saved a lot of money, but I also would have been spared a lot of
`headaches. From knowing which chips to use to establishing rules
`to teaching strategy, everything you need to start a home poker
`game and win in a home poker game is in this book.
`
`’
`
`When I read the book that you’re now holding, I realized that
`when it comes to home poker, we’re all in this together. We love
`. the game. We love it with a passion that nonplayers have trouble
`
`
`
`xii
`
`9
`
`Foreword
`
`comprehending. As Vorhaus puts it in these pages, we know what
`it means to put the game first, and we know why that’s good.
`We love to win. Whether we’re playing against our boss, our
`
`brother—in—law, our own sweet wife, we play for keeps. And we
`love the game. We love the chance to get together in a place Where
`the normal rules of order don’t apply. What a pleasure that is in
`
`' these tightly controlled lives we lead!
`Poker Night tells you everything you-need to know to host a
`successful home poker game. From Where to find players for your
`game, to what to give them to eat, to how to relieve them of their
`cash, you’ll find it all here.
`And not just home poker, either, because there’s plenty of
`strategy here to get you going in casino poker or on the internet.
`I’m not saying it’ll happen for sure, but it might just be that this
`book starts you down the road that leads to a seat in the spotlight
`at a big televised tournament where I’ll be critiquing your play.
`
`Stranger things have happened.
`But you know what? If that never happens, it really doesn’t
`matter, because all by itself, home poker is really something spe—
`
`cial. If you don’t know that already, you will by the time you’ve
`finished reading this book. You’ll have some laughs and you’ll im—‘
`
`prove your game. You’ll probably even lower your blood pressure
`
`if you follow the advice in the upcoming pagesl
`Poker Night will tell you what to look for in a home poker
`game, and then how to beat every game you find. Plus it’s a fun,
`great read. 50 read the book. Play the game. And whatever you do,
`don’t Jforget: Never try to bluff a sucker.
`
`——Vince Van Patten,
`
`television host of The World Poker Tour
`
`
`
`INTRODUCTION
`
`
`
`I’ve been playing poker since I was a child old enough to hold
`cards and chips in my pudgy little hands. Like so many of us, I
`played first with my family, hunched over the kitchen table and
`
`crowing with triumph at a profit of pennies. Later, I expanded my
`poker horizons to friends and schoolmates, and explored the
`bizarre outer limits of wildcard games—night baseball, Dr Pepper,
`I and the legendary and long-forgotten one-up, two—up, high-low
`strawberry. I once pissed off my sister because her boyfriend was
`more interested in playing poker with me than going out with her.
`My college games were all-night dormstorms of vodka bombs and
`- tequila braindeaths; sunrise always seemed to take us by surprise.
`When I became a wage-earning adult, home poker became a sta-
`ple of my social life, and the monthly game in which I now play
`has gone on uninterrupted for more than twenty years.
`I’ve played poker all over the world: on makeshift tables of
`
`stacked backpacks in youth hostels; on Caribbean beaches with
`the cards held down by stones to keep them from blowing away;
`
`
`
`2
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`in places where the game is illegal, and “Joe sent me” countersigns
`are required. I’m an honorary member of the Pokerlaget, a ladies-
`only home poker society in Norway, Where money never changes
`hands, but the fight is fierce as a bear pit. I’m wearing my Poker-
`laget sweatshirt-“damn proudly, I might add—even as I write
`these words.
`
`One of the defining moments of my life came not at a poker
`game but en route to one, elsewhere in Scandinavia. I had taken
`the subway to a certain strange neighborhood in Stockholm and
`found myself standing on a street corner with a map in one hand,
`a scrawled address in the other, street signs in Swedish all around
`
`me, and no clue in my head about which way to turn. I was lost,
`but giddy. And why? Because by accident or design, I had put my-
`self in the position of having to make a tricky decision based on
`incomplete information. I was, in other words, solving a puzzle.
`And that, I suddenly realized, is the essence of poker: making
`tricky decisions based on incomplete information. No wonder I
`
`love the game.
`In this book I hope and plan to share that love, or perhaps just
`
`reinforce the gene you carry already. I’ll show you how to host a
`game, and tell you what you need to turn your house into a home
`poker paradise. I’ll teach you the various variations of poker: the .
`popular and obscure ones, and the ones they play on TV. We’ll talk -
`about recruiting players, establishing house rules, and setting bet-
`ting limits so that everyone’s playing for meaningful amounts, but
`no one’s getting hurt too bad.
`And then, when all that’s done, I’ll show you how to beat the
`
`I
`
`living crap out of everyone you play!
`It’s a nice dichotomy, so let’s dwell on it for a second. On one
`hand, for the sake of starting and sustaining a healthy home poker
`game, you need to be a gracious and thoughtful host. On the other
`
`
`
`Introduction
`
`9
`
`3
`
`hand, for the sake of winning beer money and bragging rights, you
`need to be a rapacious predator. This book will teach you how to
`do both; how, in fact, to appear to be a lovable loser while secretly
`exploiting and manipulating your opponents to the benefit of
`
`your bankroll.
`
`,
`
`'
`
`.
`
`_ Maybe you don’t like this idea. Maybe you think that poker
`should be a fun game, purely a social event staged for camaraderie,
`laughs, and a good time. If that’sthe case, you can skip the tactical
`sections of this book, and more power to you. But before you dis-
`miss winning as a goal, I would ask you to consider your own mo-
`tives. Why don’t you want to win? Do you think that it’s rude, in
`some sense, to best your friends in honest competition? Some
`people do, and home poker is not the game for them. They do very
`well in cardrooms and casinos, playing against strangers, but when
`
`it comes to going memo a memo against their coworkers or lodge
`buddies .
`.
`. no, that’s something they don’t like.
`
`There’s a deeper reason, though, for not striving for excellence
`in poker, or in anything, and it has to do with how we View our-
`
`selves and our endeavors in this world. Many of us recognize that
`
`not trying is a reasonable excuse for not Succeeding That is, if we
`don’t give something our best effort, we can always point to that
`fact as the basis for poor results. If, on the other hand, we give
`poker (or anything) everything we’ve got and still don’t win, well,
`that’s a fairly bitter pill to swallow. So we cloak our fear of failure
`
`in indifference toward victory. We’re just here for fun, we say, and
`we let it go at that.
`
`I don’t buy it. I don’t buy this defeatist attitude, not in poker
`and not in life. To bastardize Tennyson, ’tis better to have tried and
`failed than never to have tried at all. I don’t want to make this
`
`sound bigger than it is—okay maybe I do: Excellence in poker
`translates into excellence elsewhere. If you take the time and
`
`
`
`4
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`spend the energy to master a thing like poker, you gain the confi-
`dence and know-how to master more important things as well.
`
`So. Will home poker change your life? Make you an astronaut?
`Win you the love of millions (or even one]? Buy you into the
`World Series of Poker? I wish I could promise all that, for it would-
`certainly help my book sales, and maybe buy me into the World
`Series of Poker, but we all know the truth. Poker is just a game,
`and home poker is just a game you play at home. It can add real
`value to your life: provide you a healthy outlet for competitive
`urges; create a space where the typical rules and taboos of society
`don’t apply; let you play bully for once; help you bond with your
`buddies, prepare you for casino or online play, and potentially big-
`ger money earnings; and put some bucks in your pocket as well.
`But it won’t whiten your teeth or fix the transmission on your car
`It’s only a game, after all.
`'
`What poker does best is let you forget. A poker game—a good
`one, anyhow—is so engaging and compelling that while you’re
`playing in it, the everyday worries of your world melt away. You
`don’t care if your teeth aren’t white. You don’t care if your car
`goes dunk when you shift. For as long as the game lasts, you’re en-
`sorcelled by the puzzle, by the task of making tricky decisions
`’ based on incomplete information. You’re completely and utterly
`in the moment, and is this not what meditation seeks to achieve?
`No past, no future, only the perfect now. This, I believe, is Why so
`many of us guard so jealously our time at the table, and give our
`weekly or monthly home poker games precedence over everything
`short of (and, in fact, not always entirely short of] weddings,
`births, and funerals. It’s a respite, recess, a chance to say “Time out”
`
`to our lives.
`Home poker games come in all shapes and sizes. Some moguls
`
`
`
`Introduction
`
`Q
`
`5
`
`put wads of cash on the table big enough to buy boats. In other
`games, the players literally haul out piggy banks to fund their play.
`Some games are men-only, some are women—only, and some don’t
`
`care about such politically inCorrect considerations.
`
`In some
`
`games, smoking is prohibited [or mandatory). In some games,
`drinking is prohibited [or mandatory). Some hosts serve lavish
`
`buffets, while from others you’re lucky to score cold pizza and flat
`soda. Though home poker is, by definition, not public poker, you
`don’t necessarily find home poker games at home. Social clubs, of—
`fices after hours, hotel rooms, apartment complex rec. rooms, even
`
`church basements can all house rousing games of pasteboard
`madness. A good home poker gamem—and by good I mean a
`
`healthy and thriving and reliably ongoing game—is an organic, dy-
`namic, flexible thing. It responds to the needs of the players. If the
`stakes are so high that no one can afford to lose even once, then
`the stakes come down. If once a week is too frequent to field a
`
`quorum, the schedule gets stretched. If Friday nights don’t work,
`you shift to Tuesday. And so on.
`
`I guess you’re reading this book with at least one of several dif-
`
`ferent ideas in mind. You may want to know what it takes to set
`
`up and run a poker night. Perhaps you’d like to know the rules and
`mechanisms of the poker variations typically played in home
`games. Maybe you’re looking for home poker strategy, which, be-
`lieve me, is far different from cardroom or online poker strategy.
`Maybe you’ve been watching poker on television and decided to
`try your hand. Maybe you’re looking for a springboard into the
`world of public poker. Maybe you don’t even know what you’re
`looking for; maybe you got this book as a gift (from, for instance,
`. a spouse who’s gently suggesting that you need to get out a little
`more). Whatever you’re looking for, I hope you find it here, and if
`
`
`
`
`
`6
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`‘
`
`you don’t find it here, I hope you’ll take a moment to query me di-
`rectly. You’ll find my e-mail address at my website, www.uorza.com,
`and I welcome your questions on all things having to do with
`home poker. If I don’t know the answer, I’ll happily invent one.
`How does that sound?
`If you think I’m being flip, really I’m not. Sometimes the best
`answer is one you make up on the spot, and deliver with the
`courage of your convictions. In poker we call this hlufling, and it’s
`a skill that’s called upon not just in the play of the game, but in
`running the game as well. What would you do, for instance, if one
`of your home game players suddenly found that he had an extra
`card in his hand? Would you pronounce that player’s hand dead or
`declare a misdeal and start over? Either decision could be correct,
`and either opinion will likely be accepted by the players in your
`game, so long as you voice it with authority. The controlling idea,
`then, in running a home poker game, as in so many facets of hu-
`man interaction,
`is, If you can’t be right, be loud; if you’re loud
`enough long enough, you will appear to be right.
`I’m not saying you should be a poker night despot. I’m all for
`consensus, democracy, due process. In a well—wrought home poker
`game, the players get together and agree on the rules in advance.
`That said, situations arise that simply are not covered by the rules.
`In those situations, it’s incumbent on someone to step up and
`make the call. Why should you be the one? Because you’ve read
`this book, and I’ve told you it’s your job. Uneasy lies the head that
`
`wears a crown.
`You may have noticed that here in this introduction, in the
`space of these few pages,
`I have already proposed a couple of
`strongly proactive stances. I have encouraged you to play to win,
`and I have counseled you to run the Show. I want to move you off
`your diffidence and into a strong, vigorous mind—set because I
`
`
`
`Introduction Q’ 7
`
`think you’ll get much more out of the game—more enjoyment,
`
`more satisfaction, and yes, more money—if you go at it hard.
`
`“Proactive poker is winning poker,” I always say. “Go big or go
`home.” Well, when you play home poker you’re already home, or
`
`in someone else’s home, or perhaps their converted garage, but
`wherever you find yourself, I encourage you to take this idea on
`
`board. Among other things, it’s a permission—a permission we
`
`don’t often get in life—to go all out and let the chips, literally, fall
`where they may. I have said that poker gives you the rare opportu-
`nity to play bully, and it’s one of the things I relish about the
`game. I’ve also suggested that a poker game is a place where norms
`
`of behavior don’t apply: You can do things in a poker game that
`
`you’d never get away with in polite society. I’m not saying that you
`
`must be ruthless, cunning, and cutthroat to enjoy your home
`
`poker game—wpeople take their pleasure in all sorts of different
`
`ways—~I’m just saying it might do you some good.
`
`In these Title IX times, no book of this sort would be complete
`
`Without the following disclaimer: Though I use mainly male labels
`throughoutm—he raises, you raise him back—please take it as read
`
`that I’m referring to men and women alike. Men, after all, hold no
`
`monopoly on all things ruthless, cunning, and cutthroat, but until
`
`someone comes up with practical gender-neutral third-person
`pronouns, we’ll have to settle for the ones we have.
`
`For many players, social poker is all they need. They’re happy
`With their home game and they neither aspire nor desire to do
`
`their thing in public. Others hope that home poker will help them
`make the transition into the cardrooms of this land or the virtual
`
`cardrooms of the internet. For those who plan to take that step, I
`
`intend this book to be your map and guide. Between the first page
`and the last, I propose to take you from where you aremw—even if
`Where you are is a standing startmto the point where you haVe
`
`
`
`8
`
`a
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`enough poker nous [a lovely Australian word meaning “knowl-
`edge” or “sense”) to walk into a casino or log onto a poker website,
`COnfident that you’ve got a clue. That’s the start of a whole other
`‘ journey, and there are other books [including some of mine] that
`can help you walk that road. You’ll find them listed in the Recom-
`mended Reading section in the back of the book. For now, though,
`let’s just get the cards in the air.
`
`
`
`WHAT BEATS WHAT?
`
`We learn it by rote. High card. We can quote it by heart. One
`pair. Our first significant strategic information. Two pair. We feel
`
`smug in our certain knowledge. Trips. Superior to neophytes who
`know it not. Straight. We teach it to our children. Flush. We draw
`
`to big hands. Fall house. We lose to bigger hands. Four of a kind. We
`gawk at monsters. Straight flush. We dream our dreams. Royal
`flush.
`What heats what: It’s the poetry of poker; it’s Where the game
`begins.
`
`Funny thing about what beats what. People who have no
`I knowledge of poker, people who have literally never played a hand
`in their lives, can nevertheless tell you the ranks of hands. They
`don’t know how they know, they just know. They can’t tell you
`their anniversary, or what they had for breakfast but they’re sure
`to the core of their being that a flush beats a straight and aces are
`the highest pair thereis
`
`For those Who dont know, here’s what beats what in simple
`
`
`
`10
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`chart form. You can photocopy it and have it handy for your less-
`poker—literate friends. Yes, it’s a crutch, but one that some find use-
`
`ful, at least while they’re learning the game.
`
`The Ranks of Hands in Poker
`
`One pair
`
`Two pair
`
`Aé-QV-TV-4év36
`
`KV—KO-Jé-QV-ZQ
`
`7V-7é-69—6V—Q9
`
`Three of a kind
`
`TV-TO-Té-QV-Sé
`
`
`
`Type of hand
`
`High card
`
`
`
`
`
`
`Straight
`
`Flush
`
`Té-QV-Sé-7é—6Q
`
`AV-JV-TV-3V—ZV
`
`Full House
`
`QQ-QO-QQ-ZQ—Zé
`
`Four of a kind
`
`5V—5&—5§~5§—KO
`
`
`
`
`
`Straight flush
`SO—40—3Q-ZO-AO
`AQ-Ké-QQ—JQ-TQ Royal flush
`
`
`
`If two players have the same sort of hand, the winner is deter-
`mined by the top card or cards. Your ace—high flush beats my king-
`high flush, but my ten—high straight beats your eight—high straight,
`but your three sixes beat my three threes, and so on. Should our
`hands be identical at the top, we keep going down until they di-
`
`verge. Two pair of aces and kings, for example, beats two pair of
`
`aces and queens.
`The relative strength of a poker hand is based on its rarity. The
`less likely you are to make a hand, the higher it sits in the pan-
`theon of what beats what. In a standard five—card poker holding, for
`example, you’ll start with two pair once every twenty hands or so,
`but you’ll go more than 4,100 hands, on average, before picking up
`a pat four of a kind. (Pat, by the way, is poker idiom for “made” or
`
`
`
`
`
`What Beats What?
`
`Q
`
`11_
`
`“complete.” I’ll try to define these terms as I go along, but I won’t
`beat a dead horse about it, any more than I’ll dump more statistics
`
`and numbers on you than I have to. In any case, you’ll find a glos-
`sary around here somewhere.)
`The simplest way to gauge your chances of winning with any
`poker hand is to think of each hand as a horse race. Good cards '
`equal a big head start, and if you have a big head start, you’re
`more likely to finish first. If you always yield the head start to the
`
`_
`
`other guy, you’ll come up short more often than not. Suppose you
`hold a hand like this:
`
`
`
`In a typical game of draw poker, you’ll discard the deuce and
`
`draw one card, trying to hit a nine to complete your inside
`
`straight. With four nines and forty-three not-nines remaining in
`the deck, your chances of plucking that precious nine. are roughly
`one in eleven. That is, for every eleven times you try, ten times
`
`you’ll fail, and ten times you’ll lose your bet. Your wily Jfoe, mean-
`while, started out with this hand:
`’
`
`
`
` i- (£-
`
`51>
`
`ca
`
`He might draw three Cards to his pair of aces, but with his big
`head start—ma pair of aces against your possible straight—he’ll win
`
`
`
`12
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`your money ten times out of eleven, whether he improves his hand or
`not? That’s why momma always told you not to draw to an inside
`straight. We’ll explore this concept in greater detail later, but for
`now just recognize the difference between an optimist and a realist
`in poker: The optimist has high hopes; the realist has the cash. To be
`the one with the cash, simply refuse to bet unless you’re ahead.
`There are times, of course, when it makes sense to play a hand
`that’s temporarily in second place. Consider this example.
`You hold:
`
`I H
`
`e has a better hand than you right now, but with any king,
`
`jack, ten, or nine giving you a higher pair, any queen giving you a
`straight, and any heart giving you a flush, if you throw away your .
`four of clubs and draw one card, you’ll improve to a better hand
`than his slightly more than half the time. Naturally there are
`times when he will improve too, but let’s let that go for now.
`Thinking of a strong starting hand as a lead horse and a good draw-
`ing hand as a fast horse, here’s your first winning concept in poker:
`
`
`
`What Beats What?
`
`Q
`
`13
`
`Be the lead horse,
`or be a fast horse.
`
`are in your favor.
`
`Always try to play
`only when the odds
`
`And that’s a beautiful thing about poker: If the odds aren’t in
`your favor, you don’t have to play! Every time you’re dealt a hand,
`you have the option to fold .‘
`.
`. just throw it away. While aggres-
`siveness—Go big or go home—is certainly a winning component of
`poker, don’t forget the “go home” part of the equation. Every hand
`is a horse race. If you don’t like your chances in this race, just
`scratch yourself. There’ll be another race along in a minute.
`Now I’m going to tell you a secret about many home poker
`players: They hate to fold! They may have been thinking about and
`dreaming about this poker night for days or weeks, and now that
`it’s finally here, the last thing they Want to do is sit on the sidelines
`and watch the action go by. In my home game, we call this the Pa-
`coima Syndrome, as in, "I didn’t drive all the way from Pacoirna to
`fold.” So they’ll forget the horse race. They’ll forget the unfavor-
`able odds. They’ll draw to those inside straights, because the alter-
`native, for many of them, is too horrible to contemplate. Can you
`see the huge advantage this gives you? Sure, they’ll get lucky from
`time to time—hit that unlikely inside straight—but in the long
`run the odds even out, and the player who insists on having the
`head start will definitely come out ahead.
`
`
`
`14
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`O O 9 Low Poker Values
`
`I don’t want to burden you with too much what beats what all at
`once, but you need to know (if you do not know already) that
`poker is often played with the low hand winning instead of the
`high hand, or with the best high hand and the best low hand split-
`ting the pot. High-low games are action games, ones that encour—
`age lots of betting and build big pots. Because every hand offers
`the possibility of two winners, players tend to stick around—espe-
`cially those who didn’t drive all the Way from Pacoima to foldl For
`we who play to win, this makes our “have the head start” strategy '
`
`that much more correct.
`There is some argument in home game circles as to what the
`best possible low hand is. Some say it’s 5-4-3-2-A. Others say it’s 6-
`5—4-3—2 because how could an ace, the highest card in the deck, be
`low? Still others argue that 6—5-4—3-2 can’t be a low because it’s a
`straight, and a straight is a higher hand than trips, tWo pair, and so
`on. Without hoping to settle the argument forever (the matter, af-
`ter all, is one of opinion) let me just say that in most home games,
`and virtually any cardroom where low or high—low poker is played,
`the best pessible low is the so-called wheel or bicycle, 5-4—3-Z-A.
`Yes, I know it’s a straight, but, by tradition and convention, the
`straight doesn’t negate the low, nor, for that matter, does a flush.
`Yes, I know there’s an ace, but in this case the ace does duty as a
`low cardwthe lowest card in the deck.
`The value of a low hand is measured from the top down. That
`is, a 5-4-3-2—A low is better than a 6-4-3-Z-A low because the top
`card in the first instance, the five, is lower than the top card in the
`second instance, the six. If the top cards are the same, the second-
`
`
`
`What Beats What?
`
`Q
`
`15
`
`highest card is considered, and so on. When I happen to have 6—5-
`4-3-2 and you have 6-4—3-2-A, you win, because your second~
`highest card, the four, is lower than my second-highest card, the
`five. Let’s chart it out:
`
`The Ranks of Low Hands in'Poker
`
`S-4—3-2—A (best)
`
`5-4-3-2—A
`
`6-5-3—2-A
`
`7-6-5—3~A
`
`7-6-5-3-2
`
`and so on
`
`
`As I said, there’s more than one opinion on whether wheel low
`equals best low. In many home games, the best possible low is 6-4-
`3-2-A, and a wheel, while pretty, is a straight and a loser for low.
`At the end of. the day, you and your friends will decide which way
`to play your lows, but if you’re looking for authority, here, I’ll lend
`you mine: “Poker Night says that wheel low is best low, so that’s the
`way we’ll play it here.” Again, it doesn’t matter which way you go,
`so long as you’re consistent and clear. The last thing you want is a
`big dispute at the showdown [when cards are revealed and winners
`determined) over which lows are valid, and which is best. The best
`way to avoid these disputes is to agree on such things in advance.
`When everyone has been made aware that wheels play for low,
`they have no one to blame but themselves if they fail to recognize
`or remember that fact.
`
`If you have no experience playing poker, no personal knewl—
`edge of the 01’ what beats what, do yourself the favor of grabbing
`
`
`
`16
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`a deck of cards right now and dealing yourself a few dozen five»
`card hands. You’ll quickly get a sense of which hands you see fre-
`quently [hands with one or two pair; hands with three or four low
`cards] and which hands are much more rare (straights, flushes, and
`five-card lows]. This sense [called card sense] will be your princi—
`pal analytical tool when you set out to measure the strength of
`your hand, and your chances of winning the pot, against the
`strength of your opponents’ holdings. If you’re better at gauging
`their strength than they are at gauging yours, you’ll be a winner in
`poker. Why? Because in poker—hold on to your hat, now—luck
`doesn’t matter at all!
`I’m not saying luck doesn’t exist. Of course it exists. If there’s
`one card left in the deck that you need to make your hand, and
`you catch it, baby, that’s lucky. You’ve hit a long shot, and that
`won’t happen very often for you. But guess What? It won’t happen
`any more often, nor any less often, for me. You may outdraw me
`this time, and I may outdraw you next time, but who cares? Luck
`evens out in the end. Many players don’t believe this. They see
`themselves as luckier or unluckier than average, but they’re
`wrong. The fact is that players create their own luck (or what
`seems to be luck), based on the decisions they make. As it hap-
`pens, there are sound strategic reasons for persuading your oppo—
`nents that you’re a lucky player, as opposed to a talented one or a
`skilled one, but don’t ever fall for your own PR. Everyone is ex-
`
`actly as lucky as everyone else.
`Don’t believe me? Let’s flip some coins. I happen to have a sack
`of Sacagawea dollars right here. I’m flipping one now. Call it in the'
`air. Did you call heads? Sorry, it was tails. I win a dollar. Let’s try
`again. Heads? Nope, sorry, tails again. Now you owe me two dol-
`lars. Looks like you’re 100 percent unlucky. Okay-third trial. You
`
`
`
`What Beats What?
`
`95
`
`17
`
`. and it’s tailsl You win! You’re back to a dollar in debt,
`.
`call tails .
`and now only 67 percent unlucky. Let’s flip again. In fact, let’s flip
`again another two or three million times and hey, look at that:
`
`About half the time, the coin lands heads and the other half the
`coin lands tails.
`
`But this is kiddie math, right? You know that a coin flip is a
`fifty-fifty proposition. Always has been, always will be. Okay, but
`what if a fifty-fifty proposition didn’t have a fifty-fifty payout?
`What if I paid you $1.10 every time you won, and you paid me
`only $.90 every time you lost? You could make some money on
`that margin, couldn’t you? Given enough time and enough trials,
`you’ll win a buttload of Sacagawea dollars—every last one in my
`sack. Why? It’s not that you’re lucky. It’s that you’re winning more
`than your share when you win and losing less than your share
`when you lose. This is called betting with the best of it, and it’s the
`heart and soul of successful poker.
`
`Now, you may be thinking, and I wouldn’t blame you if you
`were, that this is a silly example. What kind of moron would tol-
`
`erate such tilted odds on an even money proposition? No kind of
`
`moron would, of course, if he knows the odds. When it’s a coin flip,
`it’s easy to see the odds. Poker situations are more complex, but
`_ the numbers don’t matter nearly so much as the concept of bet-
`ting with the best of it. Suppose we’re playing low draw poker,
`also known as lowhall. I hold:
`
`
`
`
`
`18
`
`Q
`
`POKER NIGHT
`
`You hold:
`
`
`
`For the sake of this example, we’ll assume that we’re going to
`bet even money and both draw one card. My draw looks pretty
`good. If I catch a three, I’ve got a perfect wheel, the best possible
`low. At first glance, you seem to have the same draw. If you catc
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